Searching for Reality

Focused Vision

2012-01-10T23:54:00.000-04:00

This is a picture I took looking down the scope of a gun. It's amazing how something like a scope can help us see so sharply into the distance. Sometimes in life we need this clear focused vision and other times we need to step back and see the bigger picture.

I think better yet if we allow all of our focused vision to be on Jesus we will see what He wants to show us with amazing clarity as well as the big picture. I think we can easily get tunnel vision for what we want to see and we miss the whole point. The point of all vision is to commune with the One who gave us vision in the first place.

Random

2011-08-12T01:55:00.000-03:00

So I found an earwig under my toothbrush today. I was disgusted to say the least. That toothbrush made its way to the garbage very quickly and the earwig drowned in the sink. I have no sympathy for bugs in my house.

I've been trying to allow more creativity in my life this year. For the past several years my work has been mostly desk work and hasn't allowed a lot of time for creativity. This lack of outlet has really been difficult. I find that with art it's not like riding a bike. It takes work and training to create things they way I really want to. I don't just want to be artistic and feel as clumsy as a child finger painting, but rather succeed and create things that inspire people. I want to feel proud of my handiwork. Sometimes I wonder if I so easily walk away from creative projects because I am afraid to fail. I find myself comparing to others and not feeling good enough to compete. I think I need an attitude change and to risk each time I pick up a brush or a pen or whatever other medium I may wish to try. We'll see how it goes.

Relationship

2011-08-07T22:46:00.001-03:00

Proverbs 27:17
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

This is so true. I think family sharpens people the most and then friends and colleagues. Family is the most interesting because they know our buttons and probably made our buttons. They know how to make us react in ways that no one else could. As we learn to maintain strong meaningful relationships with our family and friends we are sharpened. We are humbled and we are become more Christlike.

Choose relationship, choose to risk and go deep with each other. Choose to be changed by the people around you in ways that honour God.

It's a New Day

2011-07-11T08:26:00.001-03:00

Life has taken many twists and turns for me this year. Each new day comes with a blind crest. Sometimes I wish I knew what was over the horizon, but for the most part it will remain a mystery. I am just glad to know that each day is new.

I've changed my morning alarm to a part of one of my favorite Jake Hamilton songs. the first thing I hear each day is "wake up child. It's your time to shine. You were born for such a day as this." What a needed reminder.

I choose to shine today!!!

Notable Quote

2011-06-05T12:24:00.000-03:00

"Our worst fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'who am I to be so brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are we not to be? You are a child of God: Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
~Marianne Williamson

Planes, Trains & Automobiles

2011-06-04T23:08:00.000-03:00

I love to travel. I love the journey almost as much as the destination. I thoroughly enjoy a long drive with friends and also a solitary journey. It can be a time for great conversation, deep thinking, or singing like you're going to be the next big hit.

Trains are equally as enjoyable but in a different way. Trains are great for people watching, or slipping on some headphones and drowning yourself out amongst several other people.

Planes have to be my favorite though. I love the idea of flying. It's amazing that we can defy gravity and go around the world. I just wish it wasn't so expensive to do so.

I hope to visit as many countries as I can. I've made it to several so far. Adventure is calling me. Until then I will enjoy the journey of day to day life.

Standing Strong

2011-06-03T20:02:00.000-03:00

Being strong can look different for each person. For a runner their strength is in stamina. For a chef their strength is in the consistency of an excellent meal. For a mechanic their strength is in problem solving and making the proper adjustments. For a teacher their strength is in inspiring others to learn for themselves.

In life to become stronger we must push ourselves farther than our limits to the point we feel weak otherwise we plateau and become complacent.

Usually when we are reaching a level of strength that we haven't been to before everything inside of us wants to quit. Just know that when you are feeling that way you can find strength in the truth that God has more for you. So go farther, leap higher and run the race that God has set before you with passion and perseverance.

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:30-31

Seat for Two

2011-06-02T23:02:00.000-03:00

I'm glad God is all about relationship.

He creates this man called Adam, pulls a rib from his side and uses that rib to make Eve and this was very good. This couple reflected God together. It took unity and oneness to look like their creator.

Each of them on their own only shows part of the picture. God in His wisdom made us to lean on each other.

How often do we try to be lone rangers when actually living out of relationship and unity with God and with others is the only way we can truly be the whole picture of who He created us to be.

I thank God everyday for the people He brought into my life to help me reflect my creator even more. I sure can't do it on my own.

Psalm 23

2011-06-01T22:58:00.001-03:00

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

I rest in this truth today. Praise God for His faithfulness.

What are you doing?

2011-05-31T23:44:00.000-03:00

What are you doing in life?
What do you want to be doing in life?
Why not do what you want to be doing?
What steps do you need to take to get there?

For Crying Out Loud

2011-05-30T23:06:00.000-03:00

What a great line from the song above.

Bridge:
If you want it come and get it for crying out loud
The love that I have given You was never a doubt
Let go of Your heart
Let go of Your head and feel it now

I took a philosophy class one year in university and we talked about God bring the unmoved mover. He never changes but His very presence changes everything. Then He does something crazy like give us free will. I have the choice to know His presence. I have the choice to know Him.

So, Let go of Your heart
Let go of Your head and feel it now Feel the love that created you.

Worship

2011-05-29T20:28:00.000-03:00

In the glory of Your presence
I find rest for my soul
In the depths of Your love
I find peace makes me whole

Chorus:
I love I love I love Your presence
I love I love I love Your presence
I love I love I love You Jesus
I love I love I love Your presence

Bridge:
If you want it come and get it for crying out loud
The love that I have given You was never a doubt
Let go of Your heart
Let go of Your head and feel it now

Anthony Skinner

Random Crap

2011-05-28T23:18:00.000-03:00

I am a very sentimental person and that leads to a very large box of random crap. I have saved movie stubs, train/plane/bus tickets, greeting cards, letters and the list goes on and on. I try to go through things annually and let go of more things each year.

It's amazing how my boxes of crap can parallel where I am internally and emotionally. As I deal with my internal crap it is much easier to let go of the physical crap. I can see how far I've come as things boxes of stuff go to the curb.

I can't wait to get to the day when I can freely give away everything I own and freely receive all that God has for me. I want to keep all sentimental things, physical and emotional, in an open hand trusting God with the ownership of these precious treasures.

What's in your box of crap?

Friday

2011-05-27T23:02:00.001-03:00

This is all I feel like doing at the moment. It has been a whirlwind of a week. Energy to sleep is all I have left.

Persistence

2011-05-26T23:12:00.000-03:00

Learning to drive a manual transmission did not come easily to me. I knew it would be difficult, so I didn't give myself the option to quit. I bought the car you see above and began the embarrassing journey of relearning to drive after driving automatics for 12 years.

Everything inside of me wanted to quit. I borrowed my folks car for weeks to avoid having to learn. It was no fun sitting behind the wheel not being able to just take off like I used to. I would think of different routes to take to avoid traffic or hills. It was exhausting worrying about it all. To be honest just thinking about driving this car gave me the runs. I was a bundle of nerves. My first 2 weeks of driving involved lots of practice restarting after stalling. I held up so much traffic, oh the embarrassment! Then after a while I didn't stall quite as often and my gear shifting became smoother, I even got to the point where I could start on a hill without my emergency break.

I don't know when it happened but now I feel like a natural. I don't have to think about it all, I just shift when I need to and I'm almost to the point that I like it better than driving a standard. When I hop in my parents car I am reaching for the clutch. Its amazing what persistence can do.

I think the key is to not give yourself the option to quit. Imagine all the things you could do if you just stuck with it. This year I am not going to give myself the option to quit learning a musical instrument. I just need to decide between keys or guitar.

What do you keep putting on the back burner? What do you want to learn but keep quitting?

Fire

2011-05-25T23:58:00.000-03:00

Fire is a such a mesmerizing thing. I love to watch a flame. It seems to be alive with an attitude of it's own. I have seen fire from as small as a match stick to as large as my car. I have watched it burn and melt and distort and now I have seen it turn clay into silver. There are certain aspects of fire that are predictable and others that are beyond our control.

I can tell you one thing most everything has a melting point. And the things that don't are still changed by extreme heat. When I am firing a piece of silver I have to be careful to not let it get too hot or it will melt. I have to carefully watch the colour of the metal and adjust the flame to keep it from getting too red.

The amazing thing is that fire turns this fragile clay into a strong metal.

Sometimes in life we need to be placed under fire. I fully believe that God wants fullness and abundance of life, joy and peace for us, but sometimes before we can fully understand that we need to be refined. The fire of Gods love is like the sword of truth. It separates bone from marrow, truth from lies. It brings revelation that changes us from a fragile state to a strong people who understand who we are as children of God.

No Passengers

2011-05-24T22:37:00.001-03:00

I don't believe we are meant to be passengers in life. We are meant to participate. This isn't always the easiest thing. I find myself in situations where I think it would be much easier to live out of sight out of mind. Unfortunately that is not the case. Pardon my language but shit happens and we need to clean it up. Sometimes it's out own and sometimes it's someone else's but either way we all need to pitch in and deal with it. Life smells a lot better that way.

Don't be a passenger, be a good neighbour, friend, daughter, son and let's participate in community bringing life and love to each other. Even if it means your hands get a bit dirty. People are worth it.

Bless Your Furry Little Heart

2011-05-23T23:41:00.001-03:00

"Bless your furry little heart" has been a saying in my family for a few generations. It all started with one of my Great-great etc Aunts and her dog. She would say this to her puppy and little did she know that it would carry on for years as an inheritance in my family. I've even gotten friends saying it.

Today I got the most incredible present in the mail all the way from England. One of my best friends made me a furry little heart. I love it!!

It could not have arrived at a better time. Because of some family issues I have had a mantra of "keep it together kid, just keep it together". Opening that parcel completely highjacked my ability to "keep it together". Instead I am a wellspring of sorrow and anger. But the good news is that now I don't have to be strong, I can just lean on my Savior. He is my rock and my strength. I can trade what is flowing out of me for what is flowing out of Him. I can drink of the river of life.

God Bless Your Furry Little Heart!

One of These Things is Not Like the Other

2011-05-22T23:41:00.001-03:00

Have you figured out what is out of place in the picture above. If not I'm going to tell you. It's the dill pickle with my cake and ice cream. Why is that there do you ask? Well the short answer is that my friend thought it would be funny to give me the pickle to have with my cake.

I don't know if you've noticed yet but just as my friend didn't play by the rules, God doesn't play by the same rules that we play. I have learned over the years that God is much more interested in knowing us than making sure we get it right all the time.

I have spent a lot of years making the "right" choices when God was really saying "I want to know you and for you to know me". Learning Grace is so amazing, but kills your pride. I have come to realize that I have no choice on how much God loves me. I can choose my response to His love, but I cannot stop Him from loving me. what a concept. How backwards does that sound. It is so freeing, but where are boundaries and the righteousness found in that? Well the paradigm shift is in the revelation that God is Love and He never changes, but we are ultimately changed through relationship by His unchanging nature.

Lets chew on that pickle for a while.

Friends

2011-05-22T00:02:00.001-03:00

My favorite type of friend are the ones that you can just show up after years and chat like you've never been apart. When you can hang out at their house and eat out of their fridge. Ones that will cut your hair or pierce your ears. The ones that you can trust with your heart and are not shaken or offended by raw honesty. I am amazed by the people in my life. I have been blessed by many unique and truly magnificent friends.

I love that each person draws something new out of me that I may not have discovered on my own. They reveal things of God that I don't understand yet. I love people, they fascinate me. Each person in my life is a precious gem to be treasured.

It amazing how gemstones are most beautiful when light is shone through them. I like to help people see how beautiful they are when they let the light of God's Spirit shine through them.

Thank you to the people in my life that help me to be the best me. Thank you for your love and friendship.

4 Buttons

2011-05-20T23:27:00.001-03:00

So, several years ago I had some buttons. I was dying to do something with them. After staring at them for ages I decided they would be perfect on a Teddy bear. So out came some blue fleece, stuffing and my moms sewing machine. And out of these random buttons that I couldn't seem to part with came the quirky teddy you see above.

One of my favorite things about creativity is taking small things like buttons and turning them into a masterpiece. Now this bear lives with a friend of mine and belongs to her baby.

I went to Walmart several weeks ago and bought a 1lb bag of buttons. I wonder what will become of them? We'll see. I'll have to let the creative juices flow.

The Road Ahead

2011-05-19T23:19:00.001-03:00

So I find myself at the edge of my 30th year wondering what this next year will bring. I turn 29 in the matter of hours and all I feel is anticipation. Weeks ago I thought I might feel dread or fear, but I think this will be a turning point in my life. Time to set some goals, time for focus, time to reflect on the path ahead. Someone once told me that they saw me on a path that had unsteady ground. Life feels that way sometimes. I'm so glad that ultimately if I am following Jesus, no matter how unsteady I feel I am still planted firmly in a rock that cannot be moved or shaken.
So this year I am going to attempt to reflect daily, to listen to the plans of my most wonderful creator and to let my life be changed. What better way to be ready for 30 but to trust in the one that goes before me and charts my destiny. I only want to be wise enough to hear His plans and choose to move forward in them.
I'm here God, I'm willing to go where you go.

Focus

2011-01-27T22:15:00.000-04:00

I must admit it can be really hard being a dreamer. I'm a bit of a jack of all trades and I dream about doing a lot of things. Sometimes I feel like time is getting away from me. There are so may opportunities and possibilities out there. I see so much potential, but am not always good at focusing in and mastering specific things. I'm praying that God will give me the focus that He has for me so I don't get lost in the ocean of maybe's or could be's. I like the idea of five year plan's, but I don't think I could actually stick to one. I might be able to do a three year plan but even that makes me feel a bit claustrophobic.

I really want to take this year and explore creativity. I have spent a lot of the past few years working on the things that I feel don't come naturally to me. Things like organization, administration, academia and have really avoided the things that I am passionate about, music, art and creativity. I think there is so much more rick pursuing the things that are close to your heart. I do left brained things cause I can, I do right brained things cause I love it. I want to be a person that is willing to risk, to trust the things in my heart to the God who put them there to begin with. I want to paint, I want to create. I want to learn to use my imagination to it's greatest potential.

Hopefully over the next few months I will explore avenues of this creativity and share it with you.

The life of a nomad

2011-01-26T20:51:00.000-04:00

Luke 5:11 The men pulled their boats up on the shore. Then they left everything and went with Jesus.

Luke 5:28 Levi left everything and went with Jesus.

I feel as if God has often asked me to leave everything and go with Him. I'm on that journey at the moment. This is the 8th major move I've made. When I was younger I was just following my parents, but the past few moves have been clear moments when God has told me to follow Him. I wish I could say I'm used to it or that it gets easier, but it does not. It's hard to just leave everything. I am a sentimental fool and loves to stay connected with the people that are close to my heart. It can be hard choosing to let my relationship with Jesus come first. To be honest I have moments when He feels more real to me than everything else, but there are other times that I feel like I'm taking a giant leap of faith not knowing what is on the other side.

I'm glad to have trusted, and I am glad to have taken the leap, but I still feel a bit in the dark and am awaiting the adventure ahead. Reading the lives of the disciples shows me a clear picture that following Jesus is the only way. They followed His lead when He was a man and they continued to follow His lead when He was a Spirit. I'm glad they continued to follow God after the Ascension, it gives me hope when I listen to the voice of my Father saying come here.

I sometimes find it hard to justify why my life hasn't gone down the typical road to "success". I often feel like a ping pong ball bouncing around, but to be honest I just want to be a feather that follows the wind of the Spirit. I want to be sensitive to the whisper. I don't want to make my own way in this world. I want to follow the leading of Jesus.

John 6:38 I didn't come from heaven to do what I want! I came to do what the Father wants me to do.

New Season

2010-11-04T12:03:00.000-03:00

I haven't blogged in ages, so I thought I'd reset my account and start from fresh.